People call it "weird", I call it being awesome.
This blog here is what you might call random. I love AKB, yuri, anime/manga, books, and pretty much everything that involves making me feel like flippin' a table. You have now been warned.
My oshi is Takahashi Japan Minami.

© everlark

Remembrance [Dedication One-shot] 

Guys, I’m very very happy right now ;___; I managed to get TWO HUNDRED AWESOME FOLLOWERS. And for that, I am thankful~ I’m truly surprised that this happened. I mean, I post AKB related things, anime related things and yuri related things, and yet you all still wanted to follow mesdkhfjern I’m so random too ;__; 

To thank you all, I wrote a little something for you. I hope you like it, and thank kamii325 for being my 200th! ;___;

Stay awesome my homies~!


She sat on the bed and watched the older woman looking over lyrics on the oak table. She could hear the ticking of the clock on the dresser, the steady breathing of the girl working, and for some reason, she felt content. She thought for the longest time that they were slowly breaking apart. She felt like the older girl was distancing herself and it hurt her not knowing the reason behind it. But today, after a couple weeks of finally spending time together like old times, the girl who made her heart race finally asked her to visit her house again. It’s been forever since she’s been in this room.

It made her extremely happy.

“Ne, why are you smiling?”

The younger girl blinked away her thoughts and she looked back at her gradually. She did not realize that she had a huge smile on her face. She blushed slightly and averted her eyes from the girl who was now ignoring the music sheets in front of her.

“I was just thinking,” she responded softly, putting her hands in her lap. When she looked back at her, the girl wore a smile, tilting her head to the side. Her eyes were clearly amused.

“And what were you thinking about?”


Jurina slipped it out before she could stop herself. She didn’t even seem to hesitate. She did, however, cover her mouth in surprise once she realized what she said. How was it that she responded so easily, without a thought in mind? She mentally cursed at herself. Maybe it was because Rena was always on her mind. And today was no exception.

Rena’s eyes widened slowly and a tint of red formed on her cheeks. She opened her mouth but then closed it. Her eyebrows furrowed together, her eyes shifting to her lap. She was deep in thought, but Jurina knew better.  Jurina looked down sadly at the reaction. She still held a small, sad smile as if she was also remembering. She knew that expression.

“I’ve told you before,” Jurina spoke first. “But I don’t care about the age difference.” Rena looked away again. The ace of SKE and AKB let out a sad chuckle. Her heart was hurting – again. They were both remembering a different time when this exact conversation happened. A year after SKE48 formed. The younger girl sometimes regrets her decision of saying something back then, but then again, she knew it had to be said. There was too much going on in her head. She had to let some of it out.

“I’m sorry, but you’re too young.”

A younger voice rang out in her ears and Jurina closed her eyes shut. She took a shaky breath and reopened them. She was waiting for Rena to say those same words again, the ones that haunt her heart. They were the words that attacked her soul and ate at her mind. She did not think she could take hearing them again. Because this time, her heart might just break.

But then, the twenty-one-year-old started to cry, tears rolling slowly down her red cheeks. Her eyes were confused, covered in pain. Before Jurina could stop herself, to think this time, her feet took her straight to the girl that hurt her so much. She couldn’t help it. She cared for her more, even if she brought this pain to her. It hurt her more knowing that she was the one in pain, that she was the one that made her cry.

“Why are you crying?” The young maiden’s hand moved up to touch the sad, reddened cheeks, her thumb moving forward to wipe away at the leaking tear drops. Her heart raced as she saw her lean into her touch. She cupped her face and waited for her captain to get her bearing back. She knew she would wait forever for this girl at that moment.

She had that treacherous hope inside her after all.

“I’m so–hic–sorry,” she babbled out. “I just…” She looked away, choking on a sob. Jurina thought this was an act of “No,” so she released the girl, inching back. That hope disintegrated just as it came.

“W- wait–” She grabbed onto Jurina’s sleeve and took her hand, entwining their fingers. “Don’t g- go.” Don’t leave me. The ace looked at her for a second and then nodded. She moved her other hand that wasn’t occupied to touch Rena’s face again, cupping her cheek. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the other’s. She closed her eyes, breathing out slowly.  

The clock ticked as they stayed like that. They could hear the chirping of birds outside, the silent chatter of the others who were inside the house, oblivious of the two hugging inside the medium sized room. It was relaxing to them, being close to each other. Soon though, they had to move away, something that the younger girl hated. She looked up at her elder’s face, her face slacking from its smile. Rena was the one who moved away first. The look in her eyes made the girl want to cry. The seriousness of it made her cringe. They would talk.

“Jurina.” She nodded at her name. She was like a puppy, her ears creeping down. She thought she was in trouble. But alas, the word of the day was ‘thought’. “Can you forgive me?” The puppy’s ears pricked back up and they slightly widened. What should she say to that?

“For what…?”

Rena puffed her cheeks out, her cheeks glowing in color. For some reason, Jurina thought it was a great idea to poke them, to tease the girl at ease. It had quite the opposite effect though, for her finger only got teeth as the older girl bit it, her cheeks still blushing. Jurina tried to pull back but a hand stopped her. A warm hand wrapped itself around the finger that was in Rena’s mouth. She could not move it away. Rena looked at her shyly before her tongue swirled around the finger before sucking it.

Warmth engulfed Jurina and she began to shiver. Once she let the finger free, a trail of saliva ran from the finger to her mouth. Her cheeks turned red and she felt like her insides were turning to mush. She squirmed and pressed her thighs together. She let out a small noise in the back of her throat. A fifteen-year-old girl was turned on and the twenty-one-year-old knew it.

Rena pushed Jurina down on her back and straddled her waist. She leaned down and pressed their noses together. She didn’t do anything else. She just stared into the ace’s eyes. She tightened her hold on the hand she was still holding. She let out a shaky breath.

“What would you do if I lied to you?”

The girl below her was unresponsive. She was too busy trying not to lose herself in the closeness of her captain. All she could do was look into her eyes and hope her thoughts were being expressed in them. And they were.

“It’s been years since that day, and yet,” Rena trailed her nose down to Jurina’s cheek. “These feelings have not left me.” She flicked her tongue on the cheek she was resting her nose on. In response, the girl jumped, surprised. She squirmed some more.  

“But it’s wrong.  Can’t you see that?” Her breathing came out in hoarse pants. Her legs tightened around her waist and her hand moved to clutch onto Jurina’s shirt. “It’s wrong to love someone so young. It’s not natural… and to make things worse, it’s with a girl! I just…” She looked down, away from the younger girl’s eyes. It did not stop the girl from noticing the tears falling down her cheeks.

The ace moved her other hand to the girl’s cheek, wiping the tears from her face again. When the girl looked up at her, surprised at the sudden touch, she was yet given another surprise. She felt warm lips on her own, and before she could think about the consequences after, her body reacted differently. She leaned into the kiss, pressing herself against the girl who stole her first kiss a year or two before. Their tears were mixed together as they deepened the kiss.

When they finally moved away, to catch their breath, Jurina was the first to speak.

“A kiss like that proves everything we were taught wrong.”

To prove her point, she gave her a light kiss, her lips turning up into a small smile. Though she looked calm and collected on the outside, on the inside, she was melting and it took all her strength not to sink into the ground in bliss. She pressed her forehead on her other half and then kissed her nose. She loved the way Rena blushed at the action. She was a different person when they were alone, together. She had her reasons to push her away around people after all.

“I love you, Rena.”

“I… I love you too, Jurina.”

The ace let out a happy smile before kissing her again, glad with how the situation went. They would figure out what to do later, but for now, they just wanted to spend some quality time together. When they released the kiss again, Rena moved beside Jurina and wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close. They snuggled close together and just talked for hours, not caring that they had work to do. They had a lot to catch up on after all.


When they entered the studio, they unclasped their hands and let them fall beside them. They smiled at each other and then greeted the other members who were there early. Even though they split off towards a different group, everyone could tell that they were acting differently.

And they all knew that something good happened.



Thank you again everyone~! And thank you ZuZu for PR’ing <3 You’re one of those awesome peoplez!~

AKB48    WMatsui    Matsui Jurina    Matsui Rena    One-shot    THANK YOU ALL    I LOVE YOU    
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